


in winter we fall

by morebooksplease



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Anne Shirley in Denial, Anne and Gilbert, Falling In Love, Grief/Mourning, Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pain, Promises, Sad with a Happy Ending, Snow, Winter, very indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-18 04:22:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20633021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morebooksplease/pseuds/morebooksplease
Summary: The raven-haired boy kept his gaze on the girl, enraptured once more. He would allow himself one second. One second to memorize everything about her, to memorize the curve of her arm and the lightness of her walk. And then he would leave. One second will never be enough, he thought to himself bitterly, turning away from his sorrows and that lonely house that was once his home, not even a lifetime will suffice.But he wouldn’t have a lifetime to spend with her. No, he scarcely had a few weeks with her before it all fell apart. Now he was leaving, a train ticket to Charlottetown already booked, and no plans to come back to Avonlea.After all, he had nothing and no one in this small town to ground him here.************A re-write for season 1 episode 6, where Gilbert doesn't leave Avonlea.





	in winter we fall

**Author's Note:**

> only thing i can write is gilbert being sad ooPS.
> 
> anyways, enjoy!

He saw her from a distance, rather easily; her red hair against the white snow calling attention to herself. She was peering in through the window, hands curved around her face to get a better look inside. Gilbert didn’t mind; after all, everything was packed up and nothing incriminating was in sight. Hopefully, this way news of his departure would spread quickly, many thanks to Rachel Lynde for that.

The raven-haired boy kept his gaze on the girl, enraptured once more. He would allow himself one second. One second to memorize everything about her, to memorize the curve of her arm and the lightness of her walk. And then he would leave. _One second will never be enough, _he thought to himself bitterly, turning away from his sorrows and that lonely house that was once his home, _not even a lifetime will suffice._

But he wouldn’t have a lifetime to spend with her. No, he scarcely had a few weeks with her before it all fell apart. Now he was leaving, a train ticket to Charlottetown already booked, and no plans to come back to Avonlea.

After all, he had nothing and no one in this small town to ground him here.

The deep snow made it even harder to turn away, the ice crunching under his heavy boot with every step. Almost as if nature itself was conspiring against him, wanting him to stay there. The freezing wind nipped at his ears and Gilbert adjusted his hat to cover them from the harsh weather.

“Gilbert!” called a voice behind him, but Gilbert didn’t dare turn around, he focused on walking through the snow as fast as possible. “Gilbert, you impossible boy!”

The sound of her voice, bordering on shrill but yet light, made him feel weak. It made his resolve crumble, which was absurd because he was a grown man and he would not be dissuaded by a _girl _of all things.

Her freckled hand held onto his elbow as the girl finally reached him. The warmth of her hand seeped into his whole body and his entire being seemed alight. The fire she scorned him with before, now burning his resolve.

“Why are you leaving?” she asked quietly as she faced him, cheeks ruddy with exertion, determination and fire dancing in her eyes. He found himself unable to answer, a familiar feeling swelling in his throat, threatening to choke the answers out of him. The red-head dropped her hand from his elbow, shoving them into her pockets as she looked at him worriedly, biting her lip gently. As soon as she removed her hand from him, the warmth seeped out of him instantaneously – it’d been so long since he’d been touched by someone else, he found himself longing for it, but knowing she wouldn’t allow it.

“Gilbert?” the girl asked softly, so quietly almost as if she was talking to a wounded animal, her hand hovered around him hesitantly, as if she was debating whether to touch him or not. Gilbert found himself moving towards her hand, relishing in the warmth of it when he finally made contact; her finger’s stilled slightly before settling on his wrist.

“Have you truly made up your mind to leave?” Anne asks, slightly louder than before, her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly and Gilbert merely stares at her, unable to do anything else. He’s reeling in the fact that this is the longest conversation they’ve had, even though it’s mainly one sided, and that she’s standing closer than ever before; and he’s left winded. But even though she’s so close and he should be sufficiently distracted – the pain still remains, something not even she can rid him of.

“Yes,” he whispers, barely louder than the wind surrounding the pair. It’s all he can say as of now, anything else and Gilbert fears the knot in his throat will come undone. Already, the tears prickle his eyes, threatening to spill and he desperately hopes they stay confined. He aches to touch her, feel the warmth of her hand against his own but at the same time, he wants to run. Run as far away as he can before she traps him in those eyes, those dazzling eyes.

The best thing he can do for her is leave.

“No,” she responds, her voice urgent as she moves her hands from his wrists, moving them to grasp his face tightly. Her fingers are cold, almost as cold as the air around them, but he doesn’t mind because her touch brings a bit of life back into him, thawing him out. “No— stay, please. I’m tremendously sorry for everything I said –”

“I can’t stay, Anne.” Gilbert answers as firmly as he can muster, emotions flow through him suddenly, the knot in his throat growing as he looks at her face, “I ca—I can’t. I can’t do that!”

“Why?” she asks in a calm tone but Gilbert knows her well enough to know that she’s cracking too. Her blue eyes filling with her own unshed tears, the dam within him almost bursting at the sight of them. Her fingers grip his face tighter, holding him even closer, he leans his forehead against her own impulsively, “why can’t you stay?”

“Because,” he murmurs hoarsely, closing his eyes as he lets himself memorize her touch. His words waver slightly but he has to let her know, he has to tell her that he’s not just abandoning everything, “because everyone I love leaves … one way or another. There’s nothing for me here.”

And it’s true, all the Blythe’s are ten feet underground, spread across lands distant from him. Everyone he’s ever truly loved, dead. It’s foolish and slightly narcissistic to think that it’s all because of him, Gilbert knows this, but he still can’t help it. Malicious thoughts creep into his head late at night, clinging to him like a plague – _maybe, maybe if he was dead they would all still be alive._

Anne stays silent and he doesn’t dare open his eyes, knowing that the sight of her so close could change everything. A single tear weaves its way out of his confines, many more trickling after it. Cold fingers brush them away carefully, his breath growing in intensity.

“Open your eyes,” she commands gently, fingers still grasping his face but he won’t open his eyes, shaking his head like a petulant child. “Please, Gil.”

He can feel her breath on his neck, goose flesh rising on his open skin. Briefly, he wonders how this girl was able to affect him so much, even though he scarcely knew a thing about her. Cautiously, he opens his eyes, cringing at the wetness of them. Anne stands a few feet ahead of him, too close than she should be, and observes him carefully, blue eyes shining in the light, looking ethereal.

If someone was to see them in the state they were, even from far away, it would be interpreted as something intimate, shared between to lovers. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth, no matter how much Gilbert wished it were true.

“Give me a month,” she said carefully, determination written all over her face, her hands drop from his face to his shoulders, sneaking their way to his hands. “One month to prove you wrong, if – if I don’t succeed, I’ll never bother you again. Please. One month.”

_No, say no. _

Gilbert should say no, without a doubt. But he’s so beyond exhausted of everything and all he wants is comfort from the dreary storm he’s been trapped in for the past years. He should say no, he should say he can’t because sooner or later the inevitable price will be paid and he doesn’t think he can do that again. He should say no.

His forehead still rests against hers and her hands are still gripping his own tightly. Her face is reddened by the cold, but her face is sincere, almost desperate. Anne’s eyes follow his every movement and he can’t seem to escape, not that he wants to.

“One month,” he responds gently, the answer tumbling out of his mouth without much thought. Her facial expression morphs into one of surprise, the ever-growing determination still present. “After that I leave.”

He doesn’t know exactly he’d given into Anne Shirley. Maybe it was the ever-present gnawing at the back of his head that recognized her; recognized her temperament and her eyes, acknowledged her intellect and wanted to know every little thing about her.

But as the knot in his throat lessened and as she gave him the brightest smile she could muster, there was a small voice in the back of his head telling him he’d made the right choice.

The wind rustled around them, it's intensity growing with every passing minute but the air felt familiar to both of them, bringing with it promises of new beginnings and forgotten rivalries. 

**Author's Note:**

> so, i plan to update this bi-weekly ( hopefully ill keep up w the schedule )
> 
> and as always, thank you for all the kudos and comments! im terribly awkward at responding to them lol.
> 
> if you have any constructive criticism, dm me on ig (libraryofavonlea)
> 
> ig - libraryofavonlea  
tumblr - reastyles


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